This morning, as I rolled out of bed half asleep, my hair still mimicking the nest that a mother bird makes for her babies, my eyes barely open enough to press the start button on my Kuerig coffee machine, I was dreading heading into work at my 9-5 office job.
I have spent the last 10 years of my life, slaving away at a job in order to keep something elusive and made up. I wanted to be secure, but in my search for security, I was unable to trust that life would take care of me. I spent so much of my time and energy fulfilling someone else's story, someone else's dream. How could I manage to get dressed, showered, and look presentable for yet another predictable day? My body was starting to wear down, and I haven't seen my friends or family for weeks. As I looked at the dark circles under my eyes in the mirror in front of me, I had a monumental discovery.
What would my life look like if I loved my self?
I have always brushed off the new-age "self-help and self-love" gurus as something that was not for me. But this message came to me like a slap in the face. I was awakening to something far more important than just looking for the next distraction from my own life; the quick fix to my happiness. I was looking for something long term, a renewed sense of being alive on this earth.
What would it mean for me to actually LOVE my self?
I took a hard look into my life and my choices and I started to ask, in every moment, "is this loving to me".
Funny thing, once I started committing to loving myself, I noticed several things opening up to me.
*I started taking walks before and after work.
*I began gardening again on my free time; something that I so deeply loved and cherished, but never made time for it.
*I began switching my morning habits. I started doing light yoga in the morning, setting my alarm as my favorite music playlist, I switched to herbal tea, so as to not excite my nervous system and I began making a hearty, healthy breakfast.
*Rather than my usual routine of watching the news or a movie on the TV each night, I began quieting myself in the evenings through a peaceful meditation practice.
*I started to invest in taking care of my body, getting regular massages and eating whole-healthy meals.
*I started to make time for friends and family that I loved and made them a priority. Life is short, and I knew that I wanted to show the people I love how much I care.
Turns out, with all of these changes in my life, I found another life that called to me. I started volunteering at a local farm on weekends; which has now turned into a full time, totally fulfilling and life-giving job.
Sometimes, you must take a scan of your life and see where you can add more self- love. Remember, when you take time to love yourself, you can truly serve and love others as well.